Japan is a country of productive, hard-working people. We all know this, and we all know that many of them work long hours at tedious jobs. When you think of a Japanese man, you think of a businessman: someone in a tailored suit and tie, his hair neat, clutching a briefcase full of documents that contain, at least in your imagination, figures and numbers, facts and details, that are far more complicated than anyone really likes to think about.
These guys do exist, of course, but there are plenty of jobs in Japan for those lacking the skill or capability of doing anything... well, remotely useful. Let's dig deeper!
ELEVATOR GIRLS
Yes, my friends: elevator girls. Girls who stand in the elevator. Elevator-oriented young ladies with a knack for button-pushing, bowing, and smiling at you like you're the most exciting person she's seen in her whole life. These ladies aim to please! With index fingers of steel, they press "up", "down", "12", "4", and any other available number or button you desire. Don't think I'm unaware of how daunting and overwhelming the task of pushing a button is. I respect a man who isn't ashamed to acknowledge that his index finger may be weak or sprained, or suffering from an incurable ailment. It sure does take a big man to step down, humble himself before the Elevator Girl, and say, "9, please."
MUSEUM LADIES
Is it just me, or are the mindless tasks generally delegated to women? They don't seem to mind, really, so I suppose it's alright. But museum ladies? Come on. What do these women even do? They sit in the corner and observe. Are they perhaps standing in for a security camera? Did the museum decide that it would be much more pleasant to have a middle-aged woman with a blanket over her lap stare at you as you stare at the penis on the sculpture (and you know she knows that's what you're looking at. I bet in her spare time, she looks at it too. When no one else is staring at it, because then she would stare at them - not the penis). She doesn't say anything, she doesn't do anything. She just sits there quietly, smiling - or not, but more than likely - and staring. Observing. Better not touch that penis.
CROSSING GUARDS
Honestly, when is the last time you needed a crossing guard? As a matter of fact, when is the last time you even remember being part of a walker-guard exchange? I don't think I've ever in my life been helped out by a crossing guard, and yet the job is still there, alive and well in Japan. Who might these guards be, and where are they? Everywhere from the big city of Tokyo to the little middle-of-nowhere towns where shooting beer cans off a fence is the main source of amusement on Saturday evening. These crossing guards are generally older men, and oddly enough, they're occasionally placed near perfectly-functioning traffic lights. As inconvenient as it is, it's not really something anyone sees as a necessity - it's just a way to give retired men a simple job and a little extra income, not to mention the dignity of actually having a job. It's also a good way to keep down unemployment rates.
You'd think in a country where you can buy everything from eggs to underwear in a vending machine, jobs - useful and not - would have been all but eliminated. But clearly, this is not the case.
TIME Magazine published an article on just this subject, as a matter of fact. Here's a snippet of what they have to say:
"...on a typical weekend here in Shinyurigaoka, there are four guards at the intersection directing traffic. Another man is on hand to make sure you don't miss the turn that leads to the garage. Five meters down the path, an attendant removes the ticket that the machine just generated and hands it to you. Head up the slope to the first floor and a woman will wave you on, just in case you missed the brightly lit No Vacancy sign over her head. (Every floor, whether full or not, gets its own guard.) When you exit, you get the same treatment in reverse: more floor guards waving you through, a white-gloved attendant to feed the ticket back into the machine, and a new crew of traffic smoothers to make sure you are safely on your way. By the end of your visit, at least 20 employees have provided you with a service of nearly zero value..."
For the full article, please visit Going Nowhere Fast
"USELESS" FACTS
- An elevator girl bows an average of 2500 times a day
- At archery tournaments there are "arrow fetchers" - ladies who sit behind the archers and help them with their kimono and - yes - fetch the used arrows.
- Just about anywhere you go in Japan, there's probably going to be someone to help you out - even if you don't particularly want their help. Great example: bathroom attendants. Who wants someone watching over them while they pee? And is it really necessary to have someone on-hand JUST IN CASE you find that after you've successfully peed without any outside assistance (such a good boy! Did Mama teach you that, or did you figure it out all by yourself?), you just haven't the energy to reach over and grab your own hand towel? Word to the wise: you can find these eager fellas even in the lowliest of restaurants. Better hold off on that extra-large soda at McDonald's because they're there too!
- According to TIME Magazine, "rampant overemployment" is a big factor in Japan's inefficiency when it comes to production. Too many useless jobs means money is spread a lot thinner.
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